The Other Side of Yes

I’m a No Girl.

In many ways, this is a good thing. I’m able to confidently decline invitations that disinterest me. 

“Want to go whitewater rafting?” No thank you, I’m comfy right here on the bank. 

“Want to do a shot?” No thank you, I’ll take my liquor with lime juice and Triple Sec, plz. 

“Want to try this carrot cake?” No thank you, Harry, I can’t eat gluten.

“Want to go to Broadway?” No thank you, I’d prefer to go to bed.

In many ways, however, being a No Girl originates less from personal boundaries and more from fear. Fear and I happen to be pretty tight; we talk on the daily. Fear has been the primary consultant for many of my life decisions, in fact.

However, I’m learning that fear likes to serve under the guise of security guard, pretending that it’s our very own Secret Service protecting us from harm. While it does occasionally perform this duty well, like keeping you from tumbling over a cliff edge, I also wonder — is fear more like a prison guard, and we’re the prisoner?

By letting fear mold me into a No Girl, am I missing out on potential good waiting for me on the other side of my yes? 

As you may know, I live in Phoenix now. After a decade in Nashville, I uprooted and rerouted my life to this dusty desert city. It’s certainly the scariest decision I’ve made in my 29 years of living. And yes, fear had a few choice words for me throughout the entirety of the decision-making process.

What if you’re lonely? What if you go broke? What if you never make friends? What if you’re ruining a perfectly good life here in Nashville? What if you are COMPLETELY DOOMED because of this decision? 

Here’s the truth: the question of “will I one day call this city home?” has been a soul murmur since the moment I inked a cactus on my wrist in 2018.

But it took me years to give that small idea permission to take up actual space in my mind. I still remember the visceral fear of writing that question in my journal two pandemical summers ago, as though I were suggesting something deeply scandalous: should I move to Phoenix?

You see, fear kept me rooted to my life, as is. This isn’t to say that being rooted is the enemy. If anything, a secure footing in the place you call home is how you grow. Staying in the grit of daily life, rather than fleeing for the nearest exit every time challenges arise, is the stuff of Growing Up. 

I am all about making the hard decision to stay.

However, are you staying because of growth — or because of fear?

In my case, it was the latter.

A year and a half after that scared scribble in my journal, I finally said yes to this inner invitation to — as my friend Erika wrote — trade something good for something new. I left a city I loved for another city I love.

So what was waiting on the other side of my yes?

Genuine, smile-until-your-cheeks-hurt, sing-in-your-car happiness: that’s what. All the disaster-level scenarios that fear painted for me have yet to come to pass. For the last month, I have woken up every morning with a feeling of “can you even believe it?!” that sunrises and Saguaros and a lack of daylight savings time are my realities. 

It makes me wonder… what’s waiting on the other side of your yes?

There’s only one way to find out.

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